O’Malley Ditches Presidential Bid, Plans Return to Musical Career

Omalleys March

Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley announced today that despite persistant rumors to the contrary he will not seek the Democratic nomination for President of United States. O’Malley, 51, who has been considered one of the rising stars of the Democratic Party said that he plans to concentrate on his music career with his band O’Malley’s March.


“I just got off of the phone with Bono and we are on the shortlist for the opening slot on the upcoming U2 world tour. Now I ask you, which shortlist would you rather be on?” O’Malley continued, “I’m tired of fund-raising, I’m ready for some fun-raising!”

O’Malley’s friendship with the band dates back to 1981 when he was a freshman at Catholic University in Washington DC and the band was playing at the Bayou.   Their van broke down and   O’Malley rebuilt the alternator while the band slept on his dorm room floor.

“I still have the set list from that show!” O’Malley shrieked, “That was the beginning of a tremendous friendship and Bono and the boys told me that if there was ever anything they could do for me, they would do it. I’ve been keeping that one in my “favor bank” a long time.”

According to political strategist Ned Dunkleberger, O’Malley’s chances of winning the Democratic nomination are precisely 147:1, while the odds of opening for U2 are a solid 2:1.

“Think about it”‘ said Dunkelberger, ” Would you rather be in New Hampshire in February shaking hands at some crappy diner or onstage at the Koala Music Festival in Australia?”

“As one of the few governors in America who actually likes U2’s recent albums and can rebuild an alternator, I’m uniquely qualified for this role.” O’Malley proclaimed. “However, as a precaution, I’m making sure that Mumford and Sons has some visa problems.”

When asked to comment on the Governor’s plans, O’Malley’s wife Katie said, “Thank God they will finally be out of the basement and I’ll have my sewing room back”.